Ninja Weasle & the Blanket of Infinite Doom

"I'm going to kill him..."
"Ninja, please..."
"I'm going to take his scrawny little neck and snap it like a cheese doodle..."
"That's not very nice, I'm sure you can work it out..."
"Then I'm going to hack his head off and stuff brie down the hole!"
The Blanket finally turned from Ninja and stomped back to the counter. "You forgot his sweet and sour sauce."
The scrawny red headed kid with the employee of the month badge make an eek sound and scampered off like a rat with the runs.. coming back with three sweet and sour sauces, two ketchups and an employ time card...
The Blanket looked at the pile Employee of the Month dumped on the counter, then back at the boy. He was shaking and his pupils were blown out like a racoon at a red neck camping trip. "Thank you." The Blanket said it in that slow voice that police men use in the movies when thier telling the bank robber that their putting their gun down.
The boy flinched and ran to duck behind the frozen coke machine. The Blanket gave him a raised eyebrow and turned away. To be honest, The Blanket didn't quite see how Ninja inspired such terror. Sure, he was covered in dried mud from the toe of his converse all stars to the tips of his ears. And he had a blood nose stuffed with blue sea shell embossed toilet paper, and a huge black eye that had swelled to the size of a rhino's hemarroid. And then there was the fact that he was wearing a pink bathrobe with daisies on it... All together The Blanket supposed that Ninja had a certain air to him that could illict a disdainful, curious or shocked resonse... And his mood wasn't helping that possibility. He was in a state of constant glare; so much so that if you listened very closly you could hear his eyes sizzling in their sockets.
The Blanket handed Ninja the sauces and the time card. "Happy? You got your sauce and a nifty time card thing... And I think Fanta Pants over there will be in therapy from now until he finishes puperty." The Blanket flicked a look at the boy, who was trembling so much that, for what was probably the first time in his career, he was actually doing a good job of salting and shaking the fries. "Which will probably be a long long time..."
Ninja looked at the time card. "Little snot gets too many hours." Then he took his little paper baggie of food and stomped out the door.
The Blanket started to shuffle out after him when a hand laid itself gently on his shoulder, stopping him with an almost curteous pressure. The Blanket's shoulder's slumped a little. "Louis... I'm not talking to you right now."
"Pardon my treatment of my brother, mon ami. But you will notice that I did not harm you in any way, mon itchy brother."
The Blanket sighed. "I know... but you hit him with bucket, Louis."
"Oui.Ow is this so bad, mon thermal chatte?"
"It had rocks in it!"
"Oui. But he had a soft place to land. No?"
"Yes, but it was a mud pit."
"He was lucky!!"
The Blanket frowned. "It was a very convienent mud pit..."
Louise shrugged like it was a dance move. "Such is the luckl of the brazve."
"Ninja? Brave?"
Louise gave him the River duh face. "Non, I was reffering to myself, mon 1000 thread count compardre..."
The Blanket took a deep breath. "Enough with the pet names, Louis, I feel like your girlfriend..."
Louis shrugged again. "Very well. Please do not be so unreasonable about our little altercation, however... I had ample provocation."
The Blanket had to agree there. Ninja had hid on the roof of Louis' hotel and thrown water bombs full of garlic sauce at him. Followed by a bucket of Parmasean cheese... and anchovies.
"I guess..." The Blanket said, being that he was still a loyal 'sidekick', even if Ninja was a fault.
Louis gave him a look. "Mon... er.. Blanket... you are a beautifully loyal linen item. But you must realize that my brother is, how you say? A nitwit?"
It was all that The Blanket could do to not nod frantically. Then he was struck by a sudden surge of attitude. "Ok, now listen. He may be selfish, and he may never clean his sock or pay for his own meals. He smells funny and chases anythign i9n a skirt and he throws latex missiles embued with condiments at his realitives. But he is my friend. And you took it too far Louis. I used to reserve some sympathy for you. But your just a big mean french man with a funny hat!" Louis recoiled back like a male ballerina. A gay one. "The war is on, mon smelly fake fench rodent!"
And with that he flounced out the door as only a true blanket can.