Ninja Weasle & the Blanket of Infinite Doom

Ninja waited outside the WalMart for three hours. He was wearing jeans and a white wife beater... hoping against hope to look Ryan-from-the-OC-cool...while maintaining an I-will-take-over-the-world flair. An hour in it had started to get cold. Two hours in it was raining like only Noah had known, and Derrik, the WalMart assisstant manager, had told him to stop loitering in the doorway. So he was standing in the parking lot, looking less like a Fascist bad-boy and more like a rat that went through the washing machine on the spin cycle.
After the third hour, and the fifth old lady trying to give him donations, he walked home. It poured all the way up to his door... at which point the rain evaporated with a karmic 'up yours' in his direction. Ninja planted his head hard against the front door and started to diligently bang it with his forehead. "Argerageraga!" He said. "Why???"
The next head bang missed and he pulled his head up short of The Blanket... who was looking slicked up with styling gel in his threads and black dress pants... with the cuffs roled up. Ninja frowned. "Where are you off to?"
The Blanket ducked his head with a grin Ninja knew only too well...
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Yelled Ninja, much in the tradition of Darth Vader finding out the missus had croaked... "Take a look at me, dude, I'm wet, I'm cold, I have five dollars in change from scary old people who thought I was homeless, and, oh, yeah, NO 90 POUND COCKTAIL WAITRESSS!!!!!!"
The Blanket gave Ninja a symathetic, 'poor you' look. "I'm so sorry... I wish it had worked out for you. But mine will... we are perfect for each other...." The Blanket jumped off the porch and started to skip away down the footpath.
Ninja grabbed his own hair and pulled desperately. "Banket, don't go... You know nothing about her!!! She'll leave you alone and dripping with despair."
The Blanket didn't look back. He just said over his shoulder, "I know everything about her... She's doing a B in mass communications and she's putting herself through uni waitressing... And she'll be wearing the orange sweater..."
Ninja closed the door quietly and returned to beating his head against it in time to The Blankets last five infamous words, "With The Clowns On It."