Ninja Weasle & the Blanket of Infinite Doom

It was not, stricktly speaking, a traditional funeral.
But, Uncle Lew and his buddies were not traditional boys...
So, while his mates from the Tri-Villian Bowling league tied 'Get Well Soon' balloons to the coffin, Uncle Lew's brother Braddie played the M*A*SH theme, 'Suicide Is Painless', on his kazoo.
Ninja had been wailing since he woke up. The Blanket, however, felt that if Uncle Lew had wanted him to cry then he would have left The Blanket his collection of stuffed roadkill hit by famous people(or at least their limos).
The two friends sat down in a pair of vinal fold out chairs, eating what Uncle Lew's wife, Lolette, was calling the 'Wake Cake'. It was baked with love by Lew's sister Maple, and was triple choclate with mock cream, egg shell and anchovie filling, it had robins egg blue icing and fluro pink writing that read 'Happy Birthday Bernie'. In her spare time Maple liked to write letters to George Washington to complain about the Terrydaktyle in her pantry. The Blanket only hoped this completely mental loop-the-loop wasn't hereditary.
"Why...sniff..do...snnnnnif...they call...scak...it a...shnort...wake." Nija blew his nose loudly and stuffed some more cake into his mouth. "I mean.. he obviously isn't a-wake, is he." That stared a whole new round of wailing and blubbering.
The Blanket sighed and, leaving his half eaten slice of Birthday cake on the seat, in a fervent hope that someone would either sit on it or eat it, he snuck off to find Earnest The Rather Malevolent Chipmunk of Impending Ruin.
He didn't have to look far... Ernest was playing bad air guitar to 'My Sharona' atop the coffin. The Blanket could only surmise that the Chipmunk had partaken of the 'Super Memorial Sake Festival' which Lew's buddies had organised in the men's bathroom. The Blanket could have gone into a fit of post post-mortem rage, grabbed the Chipmuck off his Uncle's final resting box, and beat himsenseless with his imaginary guitar.
But instead, The Blanket realized that this was what Uncle Lew would have wanted. So, he grabbed a bottle of Sake off the nearest spandex-wearing reveller, downed the entire half-bottle in a few swigs, and crawled up next to Ernest to do a duet of 'Highway to Hell'.
If he'd have known that right at that moment, Ninja was asking Lew's neighbour's daughter her cup size, he might have needed another bottle of sake...
Or a shotgun.